From THE NEWNAN TIMES-HERALD

 

You’ve heard the jokes about it.

Here’s one: “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

Author Ogden Nash once said, “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” Anniversaries and other big life events are not the only thing spouses don’t forget after years of alliance. Let’s face it, marriage is hard work.

When HUBBY and I were getting married and it was mandatory for us to attend pre-wedding counseling with our minister, he commented, “Marriage is in the trenches.” He was right. It takes hard work to overlook the failures you find in each other over the years: The physical tics/behaviors that the other possesses that disturb you, the physical noises that the other donates that exasperate you, and so on. But being annoyed with your spouse didn’t happen overnight.

“Marriage is a wonderful institution…but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx.

I suppose sometimes you might feel like you are in one. You know everything about your partner and then some after decades of marriage.

“There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.”  – Oscar Wilde.

 

Why is that?

My friend, Tie-One-Ona, and her husband of 25 years became empty-nesters. They were able to reconnect with their shared interests and one of those was watching their favorite television shows together. This intimacy was a special time for them. They’d have an early dinner at around 5 p.m., clean up the kitchen, Tie would get a scoop of her favorite ice cream and her husband his favorite beer, and then find a show they were both interested in.

They started binge-watching “Breaking Bad.” Getting comfortable and watching this drama sometimes kept them up until 1 or 2 in the morning. Having pre-recorded the series, they might look at each other after one or two episodes’ cliffhangers and say, “Got another in ’ya?” and go for it.

But sometimes while she was out of town for work, her mate would sneak in ahead of her and watch an episode they planned to watch together when she returned. He never mentioned he had but sometimes she could tell because…

1. he started spilling the storyline he had previously viewed?

2. he started talking on the phone when someone called while she was watching the episode for the first time?

3. he fell asleep?

 The answer is C.

Because of the beer, because he was tired, because he had previously watched that episode, and because it was getting really late, he might fall asleep. And when he did he started to snore. She didn’t mind his previous viewing, but she did mind the snoring. He didn’t even snore in bed. But now?

 

Although he was on the couch and she was in the recliner, the sounds he was making while sleeping interrupted her being able to hear the dialogue. She told me she could live for days in that recliner as she had everything she needed at her fingertips – bottled water, crackers, Q-tips, Kleenex, magazines, TV remote, etc. Not wanting to get out of her seat, she threw them all at him one at a time to get his attention, but he didn’t budge and continued snoring. Nothing worked.

Seeing his cell phone in his lap, she called his number and when it rang, the snoring ended. Stupefied, he first looked at whose name was on the screen of the incoming call. Not having his glasses on he was befuddled but he answered anyway with a groggy, “Whello?”

“Stop,” came the reply.

Not fully awake and perplexed he replied, “Huh?”

“Stop snoring.”

Lee St. John, a retired Coweta County high school English teacher, is the author of five humorous books and two audio books. She can be reached at lee@leestjohnauthor.com