I was browsing through my Spectrum guide for a good movie to watch recently. When I came across a movie on the Hallmark Channel, I was taken aback. The title was The Nine Kittens at Christmas. Why didn’t I think of a title like that? It seemed just as absurd as the ones I made up for my book, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. I didn’t choose to watch that movie because I felt it would be as asinine as the titles and the plots I concocted.

Bear with me.

Glue Stick’s Last Christmas – a town comes together over hot chocolate at a Christmas tree farm to save Glue Stick from the glue factory. (Spoiler – they do.)

No Hope for Christmas – while practicing for their upcoming Christmas concert, their soloist, Hope, goes missing. (Spoiler -She is found.) Concert takes place. Hot chocolate is served to celebrate.

A Snow Cone Christmas – A father son duo are having trouble staying financially afloat with their snow cone business (they have been selling them in their town during the Christmas holidays in northern Michigan). Townsfolk rally with hot chocolate (this time laced with bourbon) and treats to discuss how to help. I mean, really? A snow cone business in the winter – IN A NORTHERN STATE? (Spoiler – They survive. Oh, and -double spoiler – there is a dog that saves the day, of course.)

Now, do my titles and parodies of possible Hallmark movies sound so insane when you read The Nine Kittens at Christmas?

Call me, Hallmark. I can help you in your future line-up of silly stories. I’ll bring the hot chocolate.